Be Engaged!

Are you here?  I mean really here.  I woke up this morning at 2:30, perplexed by the question of what it means to be engaged.  Not engaged in the sense of getting married and all that temporary bliss that over takes a new bride-to-be, but engaged in the sense of really being present in life

I have been blessed to be able to be a stay-at-home mom for the past 12 years.  Although at times I wish I had a job outside the home and although my kids make me crazy most of the time, I am glad that I have been able to be here for them.  I try my best to balance all 3 of their schedules: My 2-year old attends preschool 2 days a week, my 6 year-old is in the first grade and plays sports and my 10-year old takes ballet lessons.  In between shuffling them around to their activities, I am involved in a few different church groups and I am in a self-paced home study program for paralegal studies.  Not to mention the numerous hats I wear at home (wife, accountant, chef, personal shopper, chauffeur, housekeeper, handyman, personal assistant, tutor, laundress, personal organizer and the list goes on).  Do I, at times, feel overextended and overwhelmed?  Heck yes!

I attend all those things because it’s important to my kids that I attend.  It is important to me, as their mom, to attend all the functions if I am able to, and be there to support them.  I grew up with an emotionally disconnected family.  Don’t get me wrong, we loved each other but when it came to emotional support and being engaged in each others lives, that just didn’t happen.  Here is an example…

I danced in high school.  Basically 40 performances per year, times 2.  That’s a lot of dancing.  My mom attended the Friday night football games (we always did the half-time show) because that was the only night she didn’t work.  My dad (who passed away in June of 2009) attended 1 basketball half-time performance. My sister played volleyball (or was it soccer?) in high school and I never attended a game.  I have since written a book, published in 2009 (Sin Nature Lost, available at Barnes&Noble.com).  My mom and my sisters are all avid readers.  They haven’t bothered to read it and if they have, they haven’t said anything about it.  Oh well.

I don’t want my childrens memories of me to be like those I have of my family.  I want to be really engaged in the lives of my children, my friends and my family.  I try and at times, I meet with some resistance.  I believe there is a difference between being engaged and being overbearing and I hope I am not gravitating toward the overbearing side.  I want the people in my life to know that I was there for them.  So I will attend as many school functions and extra-curricular activities as I can.  I will bake the cookies and cupcakes for the class parties, I will drive to every practice and rehearsal, attend every game and performance.  I will be proud of the kids I have raised and the adults they will become.  I want their memories of me to include, “My mom was there for me”.

So here is my challenge: Be involved.  Be engaged.  Be present.  Don’t just be.  In the end, all we leave behind are memories.  Let’s make them amazing!