DON'T FREEZE OUR PAY - It ain't much but its all we have!

Instead of joining the military, I married into it.  It has become my family.  I forged a second chance and was set to enlist in 2008 but became pregnant in 2007, guess God had other plans for me.  So, I have since become active in military affiliated groups in my community like the Military Ministry at Restoration Church (Colorado Springs) and WOW (Wives of Warriors).

I am so thankful for our voluntary military.  Our service members deserve so much more than what they get.  They are often treated without the dignity and respect they so greatly deserve.  They perform a job that most people cannot fathom, taken from their families for months on end, placed in harms way of people who want to kill them for no real reason other than they are American, all the while worrying about how their families are getting on in their absence.

Things could be different.  In Italy, military service is obligatory.  According to their Constitution, it is the duty of every Italian citizen to serve their country.  We don't really feel that way but what if we did?  Would our patriotism and support of country be increased because all people would then have a better understanding of what military life is really like?  From what I have experienced, civilians mostly, have a preconceived and underestimated notion of what military life is like. 

I heard that our government, in its 'infinite wisdom' (SARCASM), is considering passing a bill that would freeze military pay for the next 2 years.  I think that is crap.  I think our government should pull its head out of its rear and realize that without our soldiers, our country would be an even bigger target for extremist domination than it already is.  We need our soldiers. My guess is that the size of our military will be shrinking if this bill passes because those who are nearing the end of their contracts will opt for contracting jobs with the military where their pay will be substantially more, than to re-enlist for the same rate of pay they are ending their service with.  Some will stay because they love what they do or they have an inflated sense of patriotism. 

Military life has taught me to be frugal.  Most of us are in debt up to our eyes because the military paycheck just doesn't stretch that far.  In  areas where the cost of living is so high, the paycheck is gone before we even get it.  We don't live 'high on the hog'.  Most of us live paycheck to paycheck, utilizing local food pantries and thrift stores as a means of providing for our families.  Whats really pathetic is that most military families can qualify for assistance programs like WIC and Food Stamps (present company included), which the military privately frowns upon because it makes their tight-fistedness when it comes to paying their soldiers, look bad.

Our pay is barely enough to survive.  I am constantly 'robbing Peter to pay Paul' and doing without what I need so my children can have a new pair of shoes or dinner at McDonald's once a month.  My husband works a second job after he leaves the post and we are still struggling.  I am babysitting for a living because work just isn't available.  This economy is hurting everyone.  The only place I can see where making pay cuts or freezes would be beneficial, is in our own government.  Spending is our of control, we have too many politicians trying to make decisions for the people they are completely out of touch with and our defenders don't deserve to be disrespected in this way.  Honestly, if this bill passes and the extremists wait it out, our defenses will be spread so thin, taking over America and destroying it won't be that difficult.  In that case, I am moving back to Italy!

A New Me, So To Speak...

I am officially changing my pen name to Aleen Penny, in honor of my grandmother.  Look for my published works now under this name.  There are just too many Bobbi J, Bobbi Jo and B.J.'s out there in the literary world!

There, now that there should be no more confusion, I can continue to write and hopefully not be mistaken for anyone else, especially since I am happy just to be me.

Be Engaged!

Are you here?  I mean really here.  I woke up this morning at 2:30, perplexed by the question of what it means to be engaged.  Not engaged in the sense of getting married and all that temporary bliss that over takes a new bride-to-be, but engaged in the sense of really being present in life

I have been blessed to be able to be a stay-at-home mom for the past 12 years.  Although at times I wish I had a job outside the home and although my kids make me crazy most of the time, I am glad that I have been able to be here for them.  I try my best to balance all 3 of their schedules: My 2-year old attends preschool 2 days a week, my 6 year-old is in the first grade and plays sports and my 10-year old takes ballet lessons.  In between shuffling them around to their activities, I am involved in a few different church groups and I am in a self-paced home study program for paralegal studies.  Not to mention the numerous hats I wear at home (wife, accountant, chef, personal shopper, chauffeur, housekeeper, handyman, personal assistant, tutor, laundress, personal organizer and the list goes on).  Do I, at times, feel overextended and overwhelmed?  Heck yes!

I attend all those things because it’s important to my kids that I attend.  It is important to me, as their mom, to attend all the functions if I am able to, and be there to support them.  I grew up with an emotionally disconnected family.  Don’t get me wrong, we loved each other but when it came to emotional support and being engaged in each others lives, that just didn’t happen.  Here is an example…

I danced in high school.  Basically 40 performances per year, times 2.  That’s a lot of dancing.  My mom attended the Friday night football games (we always did the half-time show) because that was the only night she didn’t work.  My dad (who passed away in June of 2009) attended 1 basketball half-time performance. My sister played volleyball (or was it soccer?) in high school and I never attended a game.  I have since written a book, published in 2009 (Sin Nature Lost, available at Barnes&Noble.com).  My mom and my sisters are all avid readers.  They haven’t bothered to read it and if they have, they haven’t said anything about it.  Oh well.

I don’t want my childrens memories of me to be like those I have of my family.  I want to be really engaged in the lives of my children, my friends and my family.  I try and at times, I meet with some resistance.  I believe there is a difference between being engaged and being overbearing and I hope I am not gravitating toward the overbearing side.  I want the people in my life to know that I was there for them.  So I will attend as many school functions and extra-curricular activities as I can.  I will bake the cookies and cupcakes for the class parties, I will drive to every practice and rehearsal, attend every game and performance.  I will be proud of the kids I have raised and the adults they will become.  I want their memories of me to include, “My mom was there for me”.

So here is my challenge: Be involved.  Be engaged.  Be present.  Don’t just be.  In the end, all we leave behind are memories.  Let’s make them amazing!

What's Your Story?

Everyone has a story to tell.  I am not talking about a fable or an antecdote, but a real story. Everyone wants to be heard, to know that their words are not falling on deaf ears (or eyes).

Yesterday, I took my kids to eat at a local fast food restaurant after my son's soccer game.  Just before turning in the driveway, I noticed a man sitting up against a light post, holding a sign that read, "Disabled Vet, Need help, God Bless."  To tell the truth (as I feel I can be very candid here), I didn't pay much attention, mostly because that particular intersection is heavily populated with homeless, sign holding individuals looking for handouts.  I pulled into the parking lot, unloaded my 3 anxious kids and proceeded into the eatery.

We ordered our food and sat down to enjoy our fat laden fair when it hit me:  I am truly blessed.  Not only do I have the transportation and fuel to  get me to this establishment but I also have the money to purchase the food we are now consuming.  I paused and looked out the window toward the street, wondering if the man sitting by that light post was really as bad off as he appeared or if he was simply trying to scam the good hearted people who passed by him. 

We finished our lunch and I placed a few left overs in a bag and proceeded to load my happy brood back into our van.  As I sat there at the traffic light, waiting to turn, I decided to take advantage of an opportunity to teach my children (ages 2, 6 and10) about compassion for our fellow human beings and what it meant to be like Christ (although I know this is a pitiful example where there are far more important causes out there, we take what we can get).  I pulled a cheeseburger from the bag, rolled down my window and motioned to the man.  He was very tan, from sitting in the sun and his face was worn and dirty with several days worth of facial growth on it.  He was wearing an old pair of military style pants, shirt and light jacket, all dirty and very worn looking.  He walked with a cane, very stiffly and it looked like it took much effort to rise and walk the 5 feet to my window. 

As my children sat there, watching my every move with wide eyes and hanging on my every word, I thought this was what its all about.  A truly teachable moment.  He approached the window and I told him that I didn't have any spare change but I had some extra food and he was welcome to it if he liked.  Happily, he took it, smiled and said "God Bless", to which I replied, "No, may God bless you."  I meant it.  I was truly blessed in so many ways that it felt wrong to sit there, looking at this man and do nothing. 

As I sat there, explaining to my children why I did what I did, my daughter said, "Mom, look..."  The car in front of us rolled down their window and a hand with a few dollars reached toward the man.  My daughter, 10 years of wisdom behind her, asked why they gave the man money and we gave him food.  I explained that some people will give what they can while others choose to give nothing.  I then went on to explain that in order to be like Christ, we had to, in every situation we find ourselves in, ask the question "What Would Jesus Do?"  I explained further that helping people is what we are all called upon to do.  It makes us feel good to help but that should not be the reason why we do it. 

As the light turned green and we went on our way and after a 20-minute discussion on the incident, I felt good that they at least had a baseline understanding about what it means to be compassionate.  I wondered what his story was.  I wondered if he was in deed a disabled vet who needed help or a scam artist.  I wondered if he had fought in a war or only talked about it.  I wondered if he had a family, a home, a job, now or at one point in time.  I wondered a lot of things as I drove away.  It wasn't the first encounter like this that I have had and there have been a few times where I have talked to the person, learned their story and believe me, they were glad to have someone listen.

The next time you see a person in need, a person looking for a handout, take a few minutes to learn their story.  Count your blessings (the family you have, the clothes on your back, the roof over your head, the food in your stomach),  I know I do.  Always remember that at any given moment, that person on the street, holding the sign, taking money and food from total strangers, could be me or you.

I pray that you succeed in what you want, you want what you are given and that you are thankful through it all.

Human Tragedy and American Compassion

What is it about human tragedy that keeps us glued to the television?  Why are we, as a nation, compelled to help?

On 09/11/2001, I woke up early to prepare for a flight were taking that afternoon to Washington State to visit family.   As I was packing, I received a phone call from my mother-in-law.  She was crying and all she said was "turn on the news".  As I sat on the coffee table, watching in horror as the second plane slid through the air, hitting the WTC in New York, tears filled my eyes. We were glued to the television for three days, watching every news channel, every report.  Waiting and wondering what was going to happen next.  It was truly a very sad day in our American history and although I didn't personally know anyone affected by this tragic crime, I wept for them all.

I can remember thinking about the movie "Red Dawn" in which foreign armies invade the US and all hell breaks loose for a while.  In the end of the movie, there was a small glimmer of human compassion, not greed.  As I sat there in my home, watching the news, I wondered if a siege was looming on the horizon.  I feared for my new baby's safety.  I wondered if my husband, a soldier, would be going off to fight, possibly never to return.  The uncertainty at that time, was unparalleled by any emotion I had ever experienced in my entire life.

So my point is this :  As a nation, a great nation, we as human beings have a responsibility to stick together.  I am proud to say that we are good at rallying the troops and getting support where needed.  Hurricane Katrina (although many would agree that FEMA messed up), Earthquake Haiti, Tsunami Sri Lanka, Miners in Chile, and the list is long.  We struggle, especially in this economic downturn as it is called by our politicians, but we help.  I don't think we watch any of these things unfold and not think of ways to offer some sort of assistance, food, money, clothes, shelter, and yes, even prayer. 

I feel blessed to live in a place where my freedoms are protected by the Constitution.  I feel thankful to all the soldiers (my soldier especially) who fight and sacrifice for those freedoms.  I feel heartbroken for the people around the world that suffer needlessly when all they need is for one person to stand up and take notice of their situation.  No matter how much I do or give, I know I can always do more so I add a prayer to my service or donation.  It may not seem like much, but its all I have.  I challenge you to do the same.  Look around you...stand up, turn off the news and do something about it!!

Who am I? Who are you?

I had no idea how many Bobbi Miller's there were. I knew I probably wasn't the only one but please don't confuse me with the author, although I have written and published a book titled "Sin Nature Lost" under the pen name BJ Miller. Please don't confuse me with the stay-at-home filmmaker or any of the other Bobbi Miller's out there. I was a bit shocked when I googled my name and all these people popped up, who weren't me.

Which brings me to my question of the day...Who am I? For that matter, who are you? If you are anything like me, you probably wonder the same thing. Well, I am a woman, almost 40 years old, and still haven't quite figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I can hardly believe it! Time just keeps marching on and pretty soon you look in the mirror and realize that it's trampled all over you! So who am I, really? When I think about this, as I have at least once a week for the past 30 or so years, I am a bit confused but I think I am heading in teh right direction. Follow me and lets see where we end up...

Like everyone out there, I wear so many hats I need a hat rack in every corner of my house! I am a wife and mother of 3 (any of you mom's out there know how many hats that means!). I love my family and my friends. I love God (that one probably should have been first but I was sort of on a roll!). I love our military and everything they do to protect my freedom to blog and everything else their sacrifices stand for. I believe that for me, God and education are the keys to a happy life (in that order). A relationship with Jesus Christ is critical, at least for me and my family. It doesn't matter too much what you are learning about, just as long as you don't ever stop learning. If I am not going to school and constantly feeding my brain, it turns into marshmallow! Ask my kids, they can vouch for that! I know I am an eternal student. My husband calls me a "professional" because although I have 3 degrees and a certification, I am back in school for something else. I love anything creative. Art, music, dance, crafts, food, writing, reading, anything that gets my juices flowing.

I believe our pasts shape who we are and that all of our future decisions are based on our past choices and experiences, the good, the bad and yes, even the ugly. I don't believe we are just what we do. I believe we are what we feel, what we eat, how we treat others and what we believe. I don't believe in making excuses for your behavior based on your childhood or how you have been treated by others. It all boils down to this: Everyone has baggage. Everyone has scars. Everyone has done things they are not proud of. The trick is, to own up to your mistakes, make the best choices you can at that moment and learn to forgive. I live by these statements and I can honestly tell you that if I had let me baggage weigh me down, I wouldn't be blogging right now, I would probably be dead.

So, thank you for allowing me to introduce myself. Now that I have sort of figured out who I am, I challenge you to figure out who you are. What do you believe in? How do you feel about the life that goes on around you? Have you dealt with the issues from your past that hinder your present and future? I hope so.